“I’d lifted my right leg slightly….”

THIS IS NOW AVAILABLE ON KINDLE, PEOPLE!

Where to start with something as epic and all-consuming as How To Lose A Girl In Ten Ways, which I couldn’t take my head out of and finished in a day?

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Mr. Smithson does not beat around the bush with his debut offering. In fact, he actively invites you into the bush…. o god. Pun not intended but it’s staying in as it’s rather apt.

Let’s just have a little look at a few of the methods that Mr. Smithson recommends we employ to lose a girl.

#1 Totally misread the situation
#2 Turn up with a guy who has more money than you
#4 Watch porn
#6 Try to sleep with her best friend
#9 Order the hot wings before your date

And how, you might ask, has he become such an expert on girl-losing?

Now, maybe it’s the fear of an ordinary life or low confidence levels, but Mr. Smithson continues to find himself (read: put himself) in pretty crazy situations when it comes to women. And luckily for him, it makes for a great story!

We silently thank the girl who responds to his advances on the bus because he can then tell us about how he ends up in the hotel lobby, casually urinating on the carpet while booking a room (the receptionist doesn’t realise it’s happening – Sean is the master of stealth).

We love that the posh girl noticed Mr. Smithson and liked him enough to take him home, because then he got to tell us about how he ruined the evening with porn.

And yet, we are shocked when he does tell us about it. We are incredulous about the offhand manner in which he announces, “Within seconds, I’d managed to shit myself” and goes on to describe his barecheeked dash for the sink to clean away the ‘evidence.’ We are outraged, on behalf of women everywhere, about how he drunkenly approaches a girl’s best friend, having already slept with the girl. We are disgusted at the regularity with which this man frequents strip clubs.

But then, you know what? We’re actually not. We love him. We love the ridiculous madness that ensues when he has had a drink*. We love that he spends so long holding a grudge against a stripper, who then turns her attention to him, and within a second, he’s in love with her. We love his self-awareness, his willingness to point out his least desirable qualities to us. And he’s certainly not afraid to tell us about hookers.

* A sober Mr. Smithson, I’m led to believe, is quite a different story. Well-spoken, well-dressed and rather handsome, is the rumour?

Every so often, someone comes along and tells a story so well that they could be telling you anything and you’d read it. You’d read it if it were about the rules of golfing or the intricacies of computer programming.

Sean Smithson is one of those people. Of course, his material is fantastic and you can’t help but gasp when told about the right-leg-raising during the shit-himself escapade. But he is also a fantastic story-teller. He could write anything and people would want to read it.

33 responses to this post.

  1. I can’t decide if I want to read this but you are a very good book reviewer….yet another talent for LLM. xoxo

    Reply

    • Woop woop! That’s going on the CV. How are you Maggie? I am sadly absent from blogging, I’m so sorry. My little shop occupies all my time :'(

      Reply

      • I am great and have your postcard on my desk at work. It cheers me. I have been a bad blogger, too. Hoping to exit the office job soon and perhaps then have something to write. Maybe today I will write about all the yard work this weekend, from which you were strangely absent.

      • Yehhh… someone called in sick (actual true story) so I did the weekend with no help. All alone. No lunch breaks. No tea. No biscuits. But it’s ok because I totally love my job. And I lied about the biscuits. I ate some anyway.
        So where will you go after exiting the office job (hurrah!).

      • I’m going to do non-profit fundraising/event work! Yahoooo! At the very least, I have to go part time or cry everyday.

  2. Shit, I have to buy this! Totally forgot! Glad you enjoyed it and great recommendation! :)

    Reply

  3. Reblogged this on The Office Inbetweener and commented:
    Readers (if any of you are still there?), the time has come… And who better to tell you about what you could be in for, than one of my staunchest supporters, Ms Maisey.

    Laura, I thank you for the simply wonderful / ‘truly reminds me what a dick I am’ review.

    Reply

  4. I love it when I get so consumed by a book that I never leave my chair until it’s done!

    Reply

  5. Got my copy on order. Can’t wait :0)

    Reply

  6. Following you now. If you’re a friend of Sean’s you’re a friend of mine.

    Reply

  7. Great review! Thanks. It makes me want to read it. How can you go wrong with honest storytelling? And that he can laugh at himself?

    Reply

  8. Posted by Red on June 3, 2014 at 14:26

    Thank you for the review. Does he actually end up happy?

    Reply

  9. Love this review. If the book’s half as entertaining, I’ll read that too :)

    Reply

  10. Ha! Ha! What a charmer you are!

    Reply

  11. The question then begs: what about the rest of us? While I do make some faux pas and some other slights that can cost me dearly, what is it that we pretty normal gents do that have the women shaking their heads instead of their hips and why do they often leave us with no really good reason?
    Curious, not angry,
    Scott

    Reply

  12. Such characters make for interesting stories make.

    Reply

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