Life! Death! Prizes!

Ok, here it is finally, the next look into Chat magazine. I’ve found some good highlights for you all so get ready. The little slogan on the front says “Life! Death! Prizes!” so you justknow it’s going to be good. Probably after this, you’ll take out a subscription to the magazine. Probably.

The first mental story is found inside the back page and is about a woman who hit her head in the bath and then thought she was Elvis. She bought a ‘white, studded jumpsuit’ and started travelling around the world in the outfit, calling herself Telvis. The photos show her in the jumpsuit and a quiff, on a camel or by a castle or surfing.
Eventually her boyfriend cleared off, telling her “If you go away again to pretend to be Elvis, then it’s over.” As heartbreaking as it was for her, she knew what she had to do, she chose Telvis. She has travelled the world as Telvis, and the locals love it apparently. I probably would, if I saw her. But definitely not because I thought she was way cool and wanted to be like her. She consoles herself by saying that she hopes she’ll find a man who loves Telvis too. Unbelievable.

Now to the letters page. A woman writes in to say she had a one-night stand with someone but already has a boyfriend. Now she’s got a real dilemma because “I can’t believe two gorgeous men want me. How do I choose between two hunks?” Nonsense. She loves it. She gets a bit of a telling off from Auntie Ingrid, (who answers the letters) who berates her for “letting flattery loosen her knicker elastic”!

The spiritual section next and a woman with a haunted statue. She buys the statue in a charity shop and ‘things’ start happening around the house. The best of these is when her eldest son told her, “There’s a black thing in my room, I thought it was a spider, but it’s morphed into an orb.” Great. An orb. It’s morphed into an orb. I don’t even know where to start with that.
Her kids are all telling her to get rid of the statue because they’re terrified. “Never!” she vows. Why not? Because she is “a woman possessed – literally.”

The health pages feature a woman who says she has bad teeth and awful breath but is scared of the dentist. The reply from Dr Martin? Go to the dentist.

I won’t even mention the in-depth story about the ‘pubic lipo’.

So there you have it. A good read or what?

And now a little follow up from yesterday’s blog, my Dad said a friend of his was in a karaoke bar and one of the other people there told him he was going to sing “I’m a genie.” Any guesses? It’s not Christina Aguilera, if that’s what you were thinking. No, it turned out to be John Lennon’s “Imagine”.

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