An ode to my tooth

Tooth, we have spent many years together. There have been highs and there have been lows.

In our 27 years, 2 months and 25 days, we have seen plenty of action. We have sampled the local spicy delicacies in Laos, lived off rice in Namibia, eaten strange unnamed bits of animal in China and devoured our fair share of chocolate. I always showed you the best things, focussed on homemade. I even homemade tomato ketchup for us to enjoy with our fish and chips.

Ok, so I didn’t always pay attention to you. When I was younger, I was too busy naming my millions of cuddly toys or hurtling down the stairs in a sleeping bag to remember about looking after you. When my parents would shout up the stairs to check whether I’d got you ready for bed, cleaned you up, I’d shout back ‘YEAH!’ with my head in a Famous Five book. That was disrespectful toward you and I apologise.

But I was young then. I looked after you better as I got older. The past few years I’ve showered lots of attention on you, bought fancy expensive things to keep you sparkly, visited a hygienist for a thorough clean.

I was warned about two years ago that I should break it off with you, that we should go our separate ways. I was warned you would hurt me, but I was faithful to you. I dismissed their opinions as scaremongering. They didn’t know you like I did. I didn’t want to lose you.

But now… Now it is time. We both know it’s the right thing. We aren’t happy together anymore. Maybe you have grown dissatisfied with me because you have abandonment issues from our childhood? Or maybe you don’t know how to resolve things so you go on hurting me, knowing that I will eventually end things between us?

I don’t know. But the other night, I was so upset about how things are going between us that I was awake at 2am, my head in my hands, knowing I had to end it. It hurt me so much, but I knew what I had to do.

And so today will be our final day together, last tooth on the bottom left. I have been told that a replacement awaits it’s turn to push through and emerge. It seems that, in the words of Beyonce, “I can have another you in a minute.” They call it a wisdom tooth and say it will grow into the empty space that you will leave in my life.

I regret that it will end this way, in such violence, tearing you rapidly out. I’d like to say I will regret our parting but the dentist has assured me that I won’t feel a thing. I guess there has been too much hurt between us. I will feel horrible after it happens though, I won’t be able to eat a thing, I know it.

So now I bid you farewell, dear tooth. It has been amazing, the years we have spent together. I think we both know that our separating is for the best. We are not making each other happy anymore.

I will miss you. Always.

16 responses to this post.

  1. Farewell yon tooth.

    Hope the tooth fairy is kind.


  2. Well if there was a tooth fairy by today’s prices you should find at least £20 under your but toothache the worst, only soft foods for a couple of days but at least you’ll be pain free. sympathy hug..x


    • Thanks! I am writing this now as a girl with one less tooth than when I posted this morning. My face is numb and leaning to one side, giving me the fetching appearance of a stroke victim, and I am yet to feel any pain. Possibly the nicest dentist in the world made it easier. Soup for me tonight I think!


  3. Love your blog which I discovered by accident.. How do I become a follower – am technologically incompetent, and can’t see where the button is to press?
    IF you have time, my blog is


    • Thanks for stopping by. I’m glad you like it. Usually at the top of the screen, next to the button which says ‘like’, to the left of it should be the button which says ‘follow’ or maybe just a plus sign in a circle. If you click on that, a bubble should come up saying you are now following my blog. Good luck!


  4. Love this! Hilarious.


  5. Loved the post! I am impressed that you still have your wisdom teeth! Mine got yanked out when I was 16. A memorable day, the part I can remember any way!


    • Yeh, my wisdom teeth have never given me any trouble. That’s good on the one hand because I have escaped pain. It’s bad on the other because I’m worried about my lack of wisdom and the effect that this could have on my life.


  6. It is wrong for me to say that I hope you eventually have your appendix removed so you’ll have to write another break-up letter like this? Too, too funny ;D


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