My James Bond moment

Firstly, I would like to know, as a newcomer to the world of James Bond, if they have always been such terrible films. I watched one last night and it was like watching a comedy. The English girls have such terribly, terribly English accents, yah! And they’re so stiff-upper-lipped that it looks like they’ve had Botox. Daniel Craig is great in cool-calm-and-collected way but even his pout is ridiculous. Even mid-death-defying-car-chase, his pout is firmly in place.

The times when I did try to get caught up in the action and stop sniggering at everything, I couldn’t actually follow it because it’s filmed so close up that when Bond is chasing someone across a rooftop or climbing some rickety scaffolding which then collapses, you can’t actually see what’s going on. They need to zoom out a little. It’s just lots of glass smashing and gun fire, really close up.

I just felt I needed to get that out of my system. I haven’t really followed James Bond films at all and then I finally sat down and watched one and it was utterly ridiculous and I am very puzzled about why people love it so much.

And anyway, a little while ago I had a James Bond moment which was actually way more superhero than any James Bond film.

I was waiting at the train station in Liverpool, for my train back to London. It was evening time, about 7pm. I was sitting on a bench, minding my own business, when I heard a bit of a commotion. A young man, while leaving the M&S Food shop, had been stopped by some people with M&S uniforms on.

He struggled against them and started trying to pull away but the M&S people called out to a security guard standing close by, who started to run over. In the struggle, two bottles of wine fell out from under the young man’s coat and smashed on the ground. The commotion attracted some people who were working in the McDonald’s next door, who started to walk over. As the young man broke free of the M&S workers, the McDonald’s crew got hold of him and tackled him to the floor. He had struggled out of his coat in the process.

The security guard arrived, got the young man off the floor and held him tight, bringing him back to the M&S. Things calmed a little and in the chitchat with the M&S lot about what had happened, he saw his moment and broke free, running for the door.

It just so happened that the bench I was sitting on was on his route to the door. I would stop this petty thief! He needed to learn the rules of socially acceptable behaviour! And theft from a shop is incorrect behaviour! I would single-handedly teach him that he had to pay for his wine, just like everybody else.

Cue the James Bond theme tune….

Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. DUH NUH, DUH NUH NUH!

Being the quick-thinking gal that I am, I put my leg up as he ran past, to trip him up and gave an extra little kick, right on his shin, as he ran by me. Grrr. I was getting nasty. See? I’m way tougher than James Bond.

Then he dropped to the floor, gripping his leg in agony, which I’d basically broken, because of my extreme toughness and strength. I leapt up and made a Citizen’s Arrest and was later awarded numerous medals for my bravery.

O no, wait, sorry, that was me daydreaming. What actually happened was he kept running as though I hadn’t done a thing and got away.

But still…. I was very brave, don’t you think?

16 responses to this post.

  1. You had quite and exciting time! This man was not scared at all of security! He was obviously used to stealing as if it was in his right to get wine for free!
    Well done for trying to stop him… I am not sure I would have attempted it, I get scared for anything!

    Reply

  2. Trying to trip him would’ve been my move/first instinct, too. Boo that he got away. 😦

    Reply

  3. I believe that the thoughts are so often much more fun and exciting than the events. I believe that to be true with almost anyone, even Bond.
    As for the movies, I believe that what you have to keep in mind is that they are a theme. They center around a super spy who gets out of nearly impossible circumstances while managing to be a ladies’ man, polite, and with nearly total recall. All the while, to those of us here in the US, he is … English. I think you might find the entire film series more enjoyable if you were not from England. I enjoy Bond; I enjoyed “Skyfall” which I saw the other night. I believe Daniel Craig is my favored Bond, but you might like the earlier ones even better. They do have a great deal of comic relief in them all the while tangled up with arguably world-shattering problems.
    Don’t know if this helps, but it was fun to write.
    Scott

    Reply

  4. Did you really do that? Ha! You kill me.
    What about The Spy Who Loved Me? Roger Moore?
    Watch a Sean Connery one, Goldfinger. They’re fun b/c they are so silly.

    Reply

  5. Most people aren’t watching James Bond movies for the gritty realism or the Academy Award-level acting. Just enjoy them like the mindless entertainment they are. 🙂

    Reply

  6. I assume you, of course, take your coffee made with beans and “shaken not stirred”, hahaha

    Reply

  7. Posted by Alex Jones on January 12, 2013 at 20:31

    What you needed was one of those neat gadgets, perhaps a watch that fires inflatable darts to bring the villain down to save the world.

    Reply

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