Readers, prepare yourselves. Prepare yourselves for a post filled with horror and awfulness. For we are going to take journey into the world of….
1970S COOKBOOKS!
I came across this in a box of old cookbooks a friend was giving away and boy, was I glad I picked this one up! It is called Hamlyn All Colour Cookbook. And let me tell you this, it is all colour. It is proud and gregarious in it’s all-colour horror. It would have done better to leave the photographs off, for I shall show you the pictures of what the 1970s considered haute cuisine. Are you ready?!
Mmm, I just love a mysterious lumpy white mass for my dinner.
Wowzers. More lumpy white nonsense, this time surrounded by green leafy stuff. Can we have that for dinner today, Mum? Can we?!
Ah, some white nonsense on top of salmon steaks, again the obligatory green leafy nonsense. This is actually a jellified mayonnaise layer, in case you were wondering.
And again, jellified mayonnaise, this time on top of chicken. LOVING the decorative anchovies… Kind of.
Talking of things being jellied, check out this turkey-slices-set-in-jelly type of thing.
Next up, a small roasted chicken, sitting on a bed of jelly stuff squares. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH US? Why, Britain, why did we do this to ourselves? Mary Berry has a lot to answer for.
More chicken related nonsense. A cake type thing, made of chicken. Vomit. And the asparagus on the top. That’s quite fresh and lovely, you think, at least that bit’s ok. Well, no, no it isn’t. Because it is FROM A CAN! In fact, I am instructed to use many things from cans.
This ‘peach tart’ requires 1 can of creamed rice for the filling. Ridiculous. On another recipe I am actually told to get frozen chips! Honestly now, frozen chips. If I have frozen chips at home and I choose to eat them, that is different. But to actually include it as an ingredient for a meal in a cookbook?! Has the world gone crazy?! I think probably the worst sentence I have ever seen written down in a book anywhere is the line, ‘Fry the frozen chips in the lard.’ What. On. Earth.
Fry.
The frozen chips.
In the lard.
Honestly. I’m not making it up. Look.
This book has a continental section though. We’re aware of the fine cuisine offered in other countries. Let’s get fancy in our kitchens. Ok, check out the next recipe. I’m sure it will be delicious. Mmm, continental food. Italian pasta… French fancies… There’s bound to be something good here.
Frankfurter salad. I have no words.
This one’s good. It’s cheesy buttered noodles. The ingredients? Cheese, butter and noodles. Brilliant.
Last up, some lovely desserts. Don’t let me down here. The British have contributed some well-loved cakes to the world of food. Come on. What will it be? A Christmas pudding? An eccles cake? An apple crumble? A rhubarb crumble? Something cakey and warm. A hearty cake to heat one up on a cold winter’s evening.
That’s right. We’ve gone with a dish of pasta shells in chocolate sauce with lines of cream for ‘decoration.’
And now, the award for the most attractive sounding dish in the history of the world ever, goes to….
Woop woop! Can I get a round of applause for the LARDY CAKE! Mm mm. Don’t you think? Yes, a peice of lardy cake for me please! Am I allowed seconds? Oo, hold me back, hold me back! I can’t get enough of good lardy cake, me.
Well, after that romp through the annals of British food history, I feel thoroughly disheartened and can only apologise in earnest to the world for our below-par cuisine ramblings. We have failed ourselves as a nation.
I understand if you would like to un-follow me, fellow bloggers.
lazylauramaisey 
Posted by standrewslynx on January 20, 2013 at 13:53
When looking at those recipes I reflect on several facts.
(a) The old-fashioned British mistrust of “foreign food”, perhaps most aptly encapsulated in the Macaroni Cheese Noodles.
(b) Calories evidently hadn’t been invented in the 70s, and neither had the phrase ‘RDA fats (saturated)’
(c) I’m glad I’m a vegetarian.
Posted by lazylauramaisey on January 20, 2013 at 16:04
Good observations. I would also like to observe that we…
a) still felt we needed to cook as though we were living through the war, despite it having been over for a fair few decades.
b) had recently become enamoured with the marvel of tinned food and…
c) loved stodgy foods, wore our love with pride, in fact.
And yes, after looking through this book, I may join the vegetarian team!
Posted by EastEndLass on January 20, 2013 at 17:18
My mum still has that cookbook. I have another one of her old ones here somewhere – I’ll have to pull it out 😉
Posted by lazylauramaisey on January 20, 2013 at 17:25
O amazing! It is still gracing homes with it’s culinary delights. I AM pleased to hear that! Let me know if you find anything as good. Blog it so I can read all about it!
Posted by EastEndLass on January 20, 2013 at 17:19
Oh, and in the 70s, frozen chips were a luxury item!
Posted by lazylauramaisey on January 20, 2013 at 17:26
I can only imagine! 🙂
Posted by Carrie on January 20, 2013 at 18:46
Lardy cake–bahaha!
Posted by lazylauramaisey on January 22, 2013 at 08:24
Yep. Lardy cake. True story.
Posted by theculturereviewclub on January 22, 2013 at 07:02
I genuinely feel sympathy for my parents growing up in a time where apparently food like that is acceptable.
Posted by lazylauramaisey on January 23, 2013 at 22:58
Yeh. Tough times, our parents had. We can forgive them any sins now we understand what they were being told to eat.
Posted by Alex Jones on January 22, 2013 at 18:36
1970’s, time when either people were too drugged out of their heads or they were sticking safety pins through their noses. Food compared today was comparable to that of a Neanderthal to Jamie Olivers food kitchen.
Posted by lazylauramaisey on January 23, 2013 at 23:00
O, I know. It was on a totally different plane!
Posted by lazylauramaisey on January 23, 2013 at 23:00
O, I know. It was on a totally different plane!
Posted by kindredspirit23 on January 25, 2013 at 00:34
You know, reading this post while eating a peanut butter, jelly, mustard, baloney, and cheese sandwich on white low carb bread just makes me hungrier!
Scott
Posted by lazylauramaisey on January 27, 2013 at 15:15
How about a mound of chicken mayonnaise with strategically placed tomato quarters and lettuce leaves? Mmmm….
Posted by kindredspirit23 on January 27, 2013 at 21:45
whatever suits you,
Scott
Posted by lazylauramaisey on January 31, 2013 at 14:38
Well, the chicken mayo mountain looks so divine, I imagine you’re struggling to resist running to the kitchen and making one immediately.
Posted by Maggie O'C on January 31, 2013 at 23:19
It wasn’t just Britain. I grew up in the 70s and there was a lot of weird food out there and my mother made use of it. For a year or so we drank powdered milk, not because we couldn’t afford milk but simply because it existed so my mom thought we should give it a try!
Posted by lazylauramaisey on February 1, 2013 at 07:36
Did you have it in tea? Didn’t you get little lumps where it hadn’t mixed in?
Posted by Maggie O'C on February 1, 2013 at 16:10
No, just glasses of powdered milk. We, Americans, don’t do tea, like you all do. But for cereal and stuff. I need to write a post about the weird food decisions made while I was growing up. Like when microwaves first came out and we would have microwaved scrambled eggs. Wha?? And it’s extra double weird because my mom was a really good cook.
Posted by lazylauramaisey on February 1, 2013 at 21:48
It was still a bit novelty when I was young. I used to make microwave flapjacks!
Posted by matzah lady on February 10, 2013 at 15:56
hi baby girl, lady b just showed me your blog! we darkies didn’t eat like that
infact my none darky friends thought our food was weird. funny now all i seems our weird foods all over telly and in every cook book. viva la revolution!!!! long live foodecation. good blog. i will have to make u another matzah birthday cake !!! can’t be as bad as that garbage in that book. at least i won’t be using any……LARD !!!!!
Posted by lazylauramaisey on February 12, 2013 at 23:04
I’m glad to hear there will be an absence of lard! Nothing can be so bad as a cake with lard as its main ingredient! Glad you’re enjoying the blog.
Posted by Literary Tiger on February 15, 2013 at 13:33
Priceless! What is up with all that mayo and jellied junk? gag. Oh, and please pass me a piece of that lardy cake.
Posted by lazylauramaisey on February 18, 2013 at 17:31
Yup. The mayo and the jelly nonsense. It’s just inexplicably bad food. I can’t understand how it was EVER put into cookbooks. Thank god for the lardy cake though. Don’t say we British don’t do a good dessert, hey?
Posted by Snapfairy on February 16, 2013 at 23:54
How interesting! I am soo glad we now eat healthier ( at least I try to) and know what to avoid lol. That Lardy Cake….oh my….too funny!
Posted by lazylauramaisey on February 18, 2013 at 17:38
Yeh. They’ve not even disguised it as anything else, like a “sponge cake” or a “flaky pastry cake”. Just a straight-up does-what-it-says-on-the-packet, LARDY CAKE. Mary Berry, hang your head in shame.
Posted by Snapfairy on February 20, 2013 at 09:55
Too funny! Not a cake I want to eat by it’s name…
Posted by lazylauramaisey on February 22, 2013 at 21:03
Yeh, they might as well have just called it Calorie Cake. Or Cholesterol Cake!
Posted by rose2852 on February 17, 2013 at 08:08
Memories of Two Fat Ladies…
Posted by lazylauramaisey on February 18, 2013 at 17:40
Oo, I bet they love a lardy cake.
Posted by Hot dogs, Spam and packet mixes | lazylauramaisey on October 1, 2013 at 06:31
[…] No, you’re eyes are not deceiving you, that really is a recipe for hot dog spaghetti. And the instructions specifically tell me that in step 3 of the recipe, I must ‘thickly slice a pack of Jungle Dogs 6 Pork Hot Dogs.’ Was there ever a worse sentence in the English language? (Except perhaps ‘Fry the frozen chips in the lard.’) […]