In conversation with my 18 year old self

Ok, 18 year old me, I’d like you to calm down a little bit. Just…. calm down. You’re a bit crazy and all over the place. You’d do well by scaling it back a bit.

Also, I don’t want to ruin the dream but that ambition you have, to marry Michael Jackson… That’s, um, it’s not going to happen unfortunately. I won’t tell you why. The other ambition, to see him in concert, also doesn’t come true. He does plan a tour in England but, um, he doesn’t make it. Again, I won’t tell you why.

Also, your expectation that you will have a terribly meaningful and world-changing role in life… yeh, turns out you’re a bit ordinary, like everyone else. What a thought, hey?! After all that time being convinced of your own superiority and differentness.

O, and your thing about being ‘boring’, you hate that idea, right? Hate it. Urgh, imagine being boring, that would be the worst! Well, you’re not that bothered anymore. You enjoy the simple pleasures in life – cooking, being outside, growing vegetables, seeing other countries, having lunch with nice friends. Just calm down about the ‘boring’ thing. It’s going to happen. Get over it.

You know how you love going out dancing? In a few years, you won’t really ‘go out’ at all. You hate the idea of being squashed in next to a load of sweaty strangers, actually. You dislike the drunken nonsense that you talk and that other people talk to you. In fact, in about ten years, you’ll barely consume alcohol at all, a few times a year maybe. It’s better that way, trust me. We both know what we get like with a drink in us.

And you don’t wear make up at all. I know, after all that time poking your eyes out, trying to work out how to wear eye liner. No, you don’t wear anything now. You’re too lazy. Sorry to break it to you but you’d rather spent the time in the morning having a cup of tea and blogging than poking your eyes out.

Yeh, you’re a ‘blogger’ now. You’re mad for it! You’re one of those. One of those sad people who thinks others want to read about the minutae of their everyday life. Yup.

And tea is very important to you. Very. Important.

You’ll run off to Africa soon, little Laura. And it will be fabulous. You’ll be enthused. You’ll be good at something. You’ll be in your element. For the next ten years after your gap year, you’ll refer back to it as a time of excitement and adventure. Just a few words of warning though – don’t get too excited by your new friends who take you in on the first night, they’ll drift away in a few months; also, please try and eat better – a plate of rice with some sweetcorn mixed in does not constitute a real meal, unfortunately; another thing, you’re going to mess up the article for the Namibian Independence Day by sleeping through the celebrations, shame on you.

And now, last but not least, F. Scott Fitzgerald still rocks your world. That fact is unchanged throughout your life. They make a new film of The Great Gatsby with Leonardo DiCaprio. I’m going to let you watch it for yourself and make your own mind up….

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8 responses to this post.

  1. … oh darn what would I write to my 18 your old self… ?!?

    Reply

  2. I’m currently eighteen, do you think I’ve written to myself from the future? I’m going to go check the letter box, or will it be email? What if there’s been a new system of delivery in the future that hasn’t yet been released. I bet it’s something Apple associated. Ugh.

    I loved this :3

    Reply

    • I’m glad you liked it. I reckon your letter to yourself is on some kind of electronic highway thing, like you see in films. And it goes into some information bank thing that’s directly linked with your brain. So maybe it’s somewhere in your brain already?

      Reply

  3. What a party pooper 🙂

    Reply

    • Yep. That’s me, I’m afraid. Even when I was being excitableand 18, I remember feeling irritated by myself and my loudness and my inability to sit still. For example, I always admired Jane Eyre for managing to calm herself down and become a respectable lady when she grew up. So even when I was being 18 and crazy, I wanted to be calmer.

      Reply

  4. A conversation with my 18 year old self would be about a year too late I’m afraid. It’s been 40 years, but if I could speak to my 17 year old self, I’d advise him to find one of those nice, isolated monasteries where he could keep a low profile for a few years. One requiring that “oath of silence” thing would be even better! 😀

    Reply

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