Why I do the things I do

Why do I……?

-Wash my hair twice with shampoo before conditioner.
-Cause the hairdresser did it once and it felt really soft afterwards.

-Not drink alcohol.
-Cause it turns me into a TOTAL idiot. And nobody needs to see that crap.

-Not stack dirty things up, like bowls or plates or tubs.
-Cause my dad once pointed out that it makes the underside of everything dirty as well, meaning double the cleaning.

-Sometimes plait or twist my hair in to a hairband then tie it on the side.
-Cause I think it makes me look a bit like the picture of Meg on the front of my copy of Little Women and she was considered the prettiest. Hence, the hairdo means that I also will be the prettiest.

-Sometimes cut my hair myself.
-Cause it makes me feel a bit retro and Bohemian. And sometimes I don’t have enough money for the expensive hairdressers nearby but am too lazy to walk any further.

-Not eat stilton even though it’s quite nice if I eat it by accident.
-Because it’s mould, people. Mould. If the thing that is growing on my cheese was growing on my bread, I’d throw it away. And so, I think, would you.

-Not allow celeriac in my house.
-Because it is boring and has a stupid name.

-Not trust raspberries.
-Because you buy em on Monday. They look lovely. They look tasty. Oo, you can’t wait to get stuck in! You fridge em. You open the fridge the next day to make raspberry jam.. those damned raspberries are mushy and growing mould already! Not to be trusted.

-Not go to the doctor.
-Cause I’m too tough.

-Not wear gloves for washing the dishes.
-Again, too tough.

-Not check my stats on my WordPress site.
-Cause I’m too cool (for this, read: there’s probably only been 1 pageview whereas I’m imagining there’s thousands.)

-Order my food from an online organic fruit and vegetable place and have it delivered.
-Cause I’m cool and environmentally aware (for this, read: too lazy to walk down to the shops.)

-Bake a cake every morning at home even though my job is to make cakes all day.
-Because you can never have too much cake in your life, people! Never forget this.

-Have the windows open all year round.
-I read something once about this man having no roof on his house so he could sleep under the stars and saying he woke up some mornings and was covered in snow but he loved it and he was in touch with nature more. I haven’t taken the roof off my house but leaving the windows open all year is my version.

-Scoop my spoon away from me when I eat soup.
-Because my friend Alison and I decided when we were 17, that we wanted to be sophisticated. So we read great works of literature, hung out in bookshop cafes, went to the theatre every week and discussed it at length and ate our soup ‘properly’. Although I realise that it was a little childish, a part of me still hopes someone sees me eating my soup ‘properly’ and thinks, “Gosh, she’s terribly sophisticated.”

-Use my ring finger to put moisturiser or anything on my face.
-Because my grandma told me that’s how you keep your skin on your face young and fresh and it stops you getting wrinkles when you’re older.