To the flyer dropper…

Dear Mr. Flyer Dropper,

There is something very serious I must discuss with you. I keep meaning to open the door as soon as I hear a flyer being pushed through and talk to you properly about it. But I’m usually too comfy on the sofa. And a little bit too lazy. I shall say it here, therefore, because I do not have to move from the sofa.

Mr. Flyer Dropper, are you stupid? Is that what this is about? You genuinely have no comprehension of what you are doing? You are stupid, in the academic sense of the word? You drop flyers because it is the only thing you can be trusted to do without breaking it?

For if you are not stupid, maybe you are one of those extremely clever people who has no connection to real life? A savant, perhaps? For a savant cannot be expected to take notice of such trivial matters.

Or maybe you don’t care? Maybe you don’t care because you are dropping flyers for a living and this is not what you intended for your life and so, as a fist-shake to the world, you do your job half-heartedly, to show everyone that you are too good for it.

Well, it doesn’t tell me that. You want to know what it tells me? It tells me that if you can’t carry out the most basic of tasks – dropping a flyer through a letterbox – you probably won’t go far in life. And you’re pissing me right off while you’re at it.

Why, Mr. Flyer Dropper? Why do you do this?
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I mean, it’s more out than in. I’m surprised it didn’t fall back out of it’s own accord.

Let’s get a close up.
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Ridiculous!

And from the front.
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Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Now, I don’t expect you to know anything about my house but I shall just tell you anyway, as an FYI for next time.

My house is little and old. It is beautiful and compact and I love it very much. Due to its oldness, it doesn’t have any central heating. It also has huge single-glazed sash windows. And no carpets downstairs, just floorboards. And the only heat source in the house is a gas fire in the front room. This means that when the weather is cold, my little house is freezing.

Cold drafts blow up from in between the floorboards and the outside toilet is abandoned for the winter, in favour of the slightly less cold upstairs toilet. Any trip away from the front room fire and into the frozen wilderness beyond is made with great haste.

Therefore, Mr. Flyer Dropper, when you decide, every single day, to pop by my front door, push the corner of some silly leaflet about a pizza delivery place near by (what an insult to my kitchen, pizza delivery?!) which then wedges the letterbox open, you have allowed a significant cold breeze to enter my little already-cold home. I have felt this letterbox breeze as far down the hallway as the kitchen.

Yes, young man, I kid you not. You have made my house that little bit colder. It’s already very bloody cold! You don’t need to make it colder.

What is wrong with you? Just push the bloody leaflet all the way through the door! It’s not that much effort. You’re already standing at the door and have opened the letterbox, just keep pushing that leaflet, goddamnyou! Don’t be so stupid.

Yours faithfully,
Grumpy Laura

P.S. I’m actually ok with the cold. As mentioned before, I was built like an eskimo, but it’s the principle of the thing, ok?!

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8 responses to this post.

  1. I’m definitely not condoning the flyer dropper because ohmygoditwouldtakeanextrahalfasecondateachhouseforyoutodothisright! That said, if it were me, I’d have the mail slot sealed so that it COULDN’T be left half open, and I’d stick a little mail box next to the door or something. 🙂

    Reply

  2. Posted by Rambler5319 on September 21, 2013 at 11:51

    Totally agree. Same thing goes for free newspapers where I live. Many times left sticking out of letter box. Reason: they’re on a payment by number delivered so it’s quicker to not waste time as they see it pushing it all the way through. But still very annoying!

    Reply

  3. I use the flyer as a way of advertising my business, I either personally deliver or I employ my own contractors to do the delivery. I insist that flyers are pushed through the letter box. I think it unprofessional to have flyers hanging out of letter boxes, and I am against flyers left folded like yours appears to have been. I totally agree with your complaint. “No Junk Mail” on the door will stop you being pestered by most leaflet drops.

    Reply

  4. Posted by Hailey on October 13, 2013 at 16:02

    With people like me only 16 years of age, it’s EXTREMELY difficult to find a job these days. Flyer dropping isn’t an attempt to irritate home owners as yourself, and for the person whom did so should be ashamed. I would LOVE to have a different job, but unfortunately this is all that is available for me at the moment. While I will continue to search for a job this holiday season, I would suggest you making a “NO FLYERS” sign. Soliciting is trying to sell you things while giving flyers is simply a free offering. It may be annoying to think of it that way, but I guarantee unless they truly are an idiot haha you will no longer receive flyers. I wish you the best of luck and stay warm!!!

    Reply

    • You know, I did have a sticker on the letterbox saying no flyers but then I came home one day and it wasn’t there anymore! I think one of the neighbours might have nicked it 🙂

      Reply

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