The Chat book I mentioned in my last post is still blowing my mind. I don’t know how to start telling you about it because the epicness comes from all directions. I thought I’d do an overall view of things by giving you a few snippets. Sit back and get ready for the amazingness.
“It turned out, Ronnie had seen a ghost once too. He was so perfect for me. I knew Nan had found him for me.” (Her Nan’s dead, by the way.)
“‘You don’t stab someone twice by accident,’ I fumed.” (I don’t know, I think it’s up for debate.)
“‘I couldn’t help myself. You weren’t here and I just had to have sex. I’m so sorry.’ He begged me to forgive him. ‘It was just once, two years ago. I want you, Suzy.’ ‘Marry me, then,’ I said.” (This is totally what I would also say if someone had just cheated on me. Totally.)
“After a year if emailing, I felt I’d learned a lot about Voodoo and convinced Mambo Racine that I was serious about joining the religion…. After I’d learned all those secrets, I had to plunge my hands into three vats of boiling oil.” (Fairly standard religion-joining behaviour, wouldn’t you say?)
“How was I supposed to tell a 7 year old I was sleeping with the housekeeper?! I needed help running our home and the moment I laid eyes on Julie, she gave me the raging horn!” (That’s a phrase we now use, apparently. The Raging Horn. Ah, Chat… a pillar of eloquence and intellect.)
“How I could have picked two such dysfunctional men to marry, I do not know.” (I often wonder the same thing… o wait… no, I don’t.)
As you can see, there is plenty more amazingness to come from Chat. You haven’t seen the last of this book yet!
Posted by Expat Eye on November 26, 2013 at 09:22
Ah, the raging horn. Another old chestnut 😉
This thing sounds like Eastenders on steroids – makes you feel good about your own (relatively normal – ahem) life!
Posted by lazylauramaisey on November 27, 2013 at 06:08
I think that’s why I love it so much 🙂
Posted by Expat Eye on November 27, 2013 at 11:10
Yeah, no matter how shit things are, at least you’re not sleeping with your cousin, married to Phil Mitchell or swapping your baby for someone else’s 😉
Posted by lazylauramaisey on November 27, 2013 at 11:12
Or getting married in tracksuit trousers. Or marrying someone based on the fact that you have both seen ghosts. Or having to knock down a wall in your house to get out cause you’re so fat. Thank goodness for the reminder of all the things we’re not!
Posted by Expat Eye on November 27, 2013 at 11:29
I dunno – the first two would make interesting stories for the grandkids 😉