More from the amazing Chat book

It’s time to head back into the most amazing book ever published – Chat: Greatest Ever True Life Stories.

Today’s fabulous story is called My Army Bloke. It really speaks for itself so I shall let Rosemarie Hill, 51, tell the story.

“I remembered the day I met Stephen.  I was working ar a roadside burger bar…. ‘I’ll be in his pants by the end of the year,’ I giggled to my daughter…. I was busy thinking about how I could get him into bed… Stephen was loving in public – and a tiger in bed!… His friend Mark planned to operate a business in Lincolnshire…. Stephen moved up there during the week to run it with him… we made up for lost time when he got back, bouncing around the bedroom like porn stars!… ‘If you don’t come home, our marriage is over,’…. He seemed down, just lay on the sofa drinking whisky while I was at work, cleaning the local pub…. “I’m leaving you,” Stephen slurred. “I never wanted to marry you!”… I reported him missing… the police told me he was in Lincolnshire… I found an address for Mark… A woman answered the door….”I think he’s gone off with his boyfriend”… I knew that Stephen, my husband, was his lover…. One day the phone rang. It was Stuart, a bloke who’d worked with Stephen in the Army Cadet Force. ‘Stephen’s told me he’s gay. He’s been seeing a man called Mark for years.’… I couldn’t let Stephen ruin my life… My friend, Anne, said she knew the perfect man for me… Paul has given me back my self esteem… This one’s 100% man. And that’s the truth.”

I mean, really?! Who is this woman?! Where to start?

She talks to her daughter about “getting into people’s pants”. What a nice expression for a mother to use in conversation to her daughter. What a lovely example to set.

Then there’s the fact that she felt it necessary to talk so extensively about all the bedroom activity. Bearing in mind that she’s 51, not 21, it’s not the most ladylike thing to tell the world that you’ve been bouncing around the bedroom like a pornstar. With age comes wisdom….? Sometimes one should perhaps consider whether the world really wants to hear that nonsense….

And finally, it’s a good job that she KNOWS her new man isn’t going to do the same thing. Cause you can definitely tell that early on, can’t you? (It took her ten years to find out her last husband was gay. Just saying.)

So yeh, good. I think we’ve all learned something here today.

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5 responses to this post.

  1. My thoughts exactly on the mother-daughter conversations! EWWWWW!

    Reply

  2. are the … s yours or was it really written that way?

    Reply

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