Chat’s back!

I’m so sorry I’ve let things go on so long before giving you a Chat update. In case you’re wondering, things are still mind bogglingly crazy there. I guess we should just jump in at the deep end. Let’s go!

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My dog.

Ate my face.

I’m so glad she did.

Yes, that is what that says. Obviously it has a shock rating of 10 out of 10.

The story is as follows; she’s an alcoholic, she’s got a dog, she falls into an inebriated sleep/coma, the dog tries to wake her up, bites her, thinks “mmm, that’s tasty,” keeps going, eats her face. I would just like to quote from the story here, “she’d eaten my right eye and the bone around the socket.”

This is crazy talk! Absolutely, astoundingly crazy! Dog, face, eye, eating…. its all very wierd. But then what did I expect from Chat? Anyway, now she has that monobrow/fringe thing that you can see in the above picture. Good one.

Next up, it’s the Chat To Us page, which mainly consists of pictures of people and things that no-one except the person who sent it in cares about. For example, here’s my grandson hugging a stone statue thing.

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Another one is, here’s me standing outside with my husband and my dog.

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Who else needs to know that you were standing outside with your husband and your dog? Put it on Facebook or send it to your mum or something. Why are you telling Chat readers?

Other examples from this page are; here’s my daughter playing hopscotch, here’s my dog wearing a pearl necklace and here’s my two kids with their nan. You get the idea.

On the Top Tips page, the best suggestion by far is this one.

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Yes, but now you have neck ache from wearing a coat containing three books, four pack of tissues, your phone, your purse, a change of clothes, a toothbrush, a pair of sunglasses and your passport. Why is that better? You’re taking them anyway. Just put them in your bag. Or you’ll get to your sunny holiday destination and have a massive heavy sweat-inducing coat on. Then you’ll probably take it off and carry it. In which case, you could have just left it in your main baggage,  which you’re carrying anyway!

On a separate note, does Sonia Dawson of Chester-le-Street travel in her swimming costume?!

The Health pages contain an interesting letter today, that I’m not going to comment on. I’m just going to show you and let you decide how to feel about it.

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Yep.

Now, I bet you’re wondering what the Star Letter of the week is, aren’t you?  I thought so. Well, check it out. 

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The Star Letter says, these are my three kids, they gave me this picture of themselves. That warrants winning Star Letter in Chat World. Again, I’m not saying anything. Make up your own minds about the trees that are cut down to provide paper for this kind of thing.

A quick look at the Spirit World page gives us this short but sweet letter from Toni in Liverpool.

“Odd! My uncle died years ago but, recently, I saw an image of him. How is he?”

Toni, he’s dead. That’s how he is.

Last but not least, we’ll have a little look at the names this week. There’s always something good there.

Sienna Rae
Kobie
Maisie Moo
Paulette
Genna
Rylee & Tyler

Always children with these names. With parents called things like Jane or Bob or Wendy. Just ordinary names. It’s as though these parents are attempting to compensate for the ordinariness of their names (and perhaps their lives?) by forcing wackiness onto their unsuspecting offspring. I despair.

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8 responses to this post.

  1. Is it normal that my words run away from me when I read these articles on Chat, leaving me quite speechless? I think I should write to Chat and ask that question? Perhaps I might even make star letter of the issue.

    Reply

    • You would DEFINITELY make Star Letter. No doubt about it. Send a picture of yourself doing absolutely nothing to accompany the letter and it’s pretty much guaranteed.

      Reply

  2. “Toni, heโ€™s dead. Thatโ€™s how he is.” made me snort laugh ๐Ÿ˜‰ How are there so many weird people out there! Fabulously entertaining though!

    Reply

    • I know. What would I write about if it weren’t for alcoholics having their faces eaten and people not understanding how death works. I mean, what does Toni think the reply is going to be? “Yeh, he’s doing alright apart from a bit of a sore throat but he thinks it’s because of the recent cold weather over there. He watched a good film the other day and can recommend it for when you next go to the cinema.”

      Reply

  3. Brilliant Laura. I have missed the ridiculous world of Chat. And really, dog eat womans face?! WTF!

    Reply

  4. LOL!!! these stories and your interpretation is funny, thanks for the laugh ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply

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