It’s hard to know where to start with this. Like a break-up, there’s so much that needs to be said. Like a relationship that has soured, I am becoming someone I don’t want to be when I am with you, Facebook. I am unable to distinguish whether I am proud of myself because of certain achievements or I only become proud when I have shown the world the achievement and the world has given me a thumbs-up. Do I feel real pride in myself if there are no ‘likes’? I’m not sure any more. I’m starting to fear that the things I don’t like in the world around me are creeping into my own behaviour. Selfie sticks, statuses that let everyone know I just got home from work and am knackered, a need to photographically record significant moments, a resulting inability to assess what are significant moments and what are simply moments. Moments that probably don’t need sharing.
Because they’re not interesting to anyone else apart from me?
Because they don’t accurately represent my real life?
Because some things should be private?
Because privacy is an alien concept?
I worry about the version of my life that people see if they look at my Facebook. It’s not my real life and I don’t want people to think it is. Although, I don’t necessarily want people to know what my real life does consist of. I feel that in this age of recording obsessively, privacy and reality will be the last vestiges of sanity. In years to come, we will wonder why we needed to tell hundreds of people when we felt ill or excited. It will seem odd, embarrassing. Those momentary bursts of anger that we shared will now exist in the ether forever. Long after we would have moved on, the words we wrote sit there for everyone to see. When we have such an open view into each other’s homes, relationships, children, the space we spend away from Facebook will become the space we most treasure.
Even this post is a puzzle to me. Am I writing it because I really want to leave Facebook or am I writing it because I want people to see me doing it and, thus, in some strange way, admire it, giving me my required dose of outside approval? If I really wanted to leave Facebook, would I be doing it so publicly? I don’t know anymore. Simply being self-aware doesn’t make one immune to the forces that pull us all toward the desire to share.
Is the desire to share a bad thing in itself? I don’t know that either. I only know that something about it doesn’t sit right with my soul. I feel down in my bones that, while I love keeping up with what friends are doing, I sometimes find myself losing vast amounts of hours scrolling down my news feed and this is not a good thing. I’m just scrolling down…. down… down…. Looking…. And I’m not sure what I’m looking for. I never find it. I’m just killing time.
What a ridiculous concept, that I would need to kill time. I’m at a point in my life when I have finally decided to embrace the thing I have always wanted to do, since I can remember ever thinking about it. I am writing. I would like to be a full time writer. For my job.
There. It’s out.
It may go nowhere. You may never hear of my name connected to something that is successful. That’s not really why I’m doing it. I’m doing it because of the need to be honest about who I am and what I want to do.
To become a writer, I need to write. I have things in my head that I am constantly contemplating. I read lots of different books at the same time, to fill my head with as many styles and ideas and words as possible, to develop as a writer. My spare time is spent reading, writing, running, thinking. Or rather, it should be spent doing that.
What am I doing instead? Facebook. I can feel myself wasting my valuable time and I wonder when I’ll realise that the trade-off is no longer worth it. I am distracting myself from the thing I most want in life because I’ve deemed it necessary to share the 17 mile run I just did. The 17 mile run exists, regardless of whether I share it or not. I’m not sure that I truly appreciate this fact.
A holiday is still enjoyable even if I don’t tell anyone it happened. A relationship is still full of love even if I don’t change my status to ‘in a relationship’ online. It is still possible create and leave something behind in the world without the relentless pursuit of an online persona. And if my writing is good, it will still find an audience even if I don’t post a link on my Facebook account.
And so, I have made a decision… I think. I have decided to suspend my relationship with Facebook. We’re taking a break from each other until I have finished what I’m working on. I can no longer justify the Facebook hours while my half-baked ideas go undeveloped and unwritten. If I can think reasonably about you after this break, we might get back together but it might be that we’re better off apart. Let’s see, Facebook. Let’s just see.
Goodbye.
lazylauramaisey 
Posted by Alexandra on September 14, 2015 at 00:19
Really enjoyed the writing style. I’m sure you have the talent to be associated with some great future pieces of writing 🙂
Posted by lazylauramaisey on September 14, 2015 at 05:03
Thank you so much! I certainly hope so 🙂
Posted by commoditiesestepona on September 14, 2015 at 08:47
Hi, well I can understand what you are saying, however there are some of us who do read what each of us writes and enjoy the companionship of knowing that sometimes it does seem like a waste of time, I for one agree with you. I try not to spend too much time on it, I have also learned that I would rather be doing something else. I enjoy writing too. Like you have many projects happening inside my head and finding the time to put them together is limited when we spend so much time on FB. Anyway just to say. Sad to see you go but I do understand.
Posted by kindredspirit23 on September 16, 2015 at 03:56
Facebook connects me with my followers and they with my posts. It also serves to let people know when I could use a prayer or when they could.
It lets me visit for 20 minutes and see what’s going on with 10-15 people that are sort-of in my life.
And, let’s not forget “Trivia Crack” and “Words With Friends”…
Other than that, I agree with you – good for you – you go, girl.
Now, I am going to play WSOP through, yeah, FaceBook.
Posted by outsideauthority on September 29, 2015 at 19:53
deleted FB in the summer – never looked back!
Posted by lazylauramaisey on September 29, 2015 at 20:20
Yeh. I’m 11 days in and don’t feel any urges to go back 🙂
Posted by thidara1005 on October 6, 2015 at 20:58
A great read! It must be liberating without it. I guess I feel that as I don’t have a smart phone I try to use FB sparingly when I’m at home (but that just turns into a evening with FB hovering in the background). I completely agree about a special moment existing even if it is unshared 🙂
Posted by lazylauramaisey on October 7, 2015 at 05:34
Yeh. It’s sometimes hard to realise that as we’ve become so used to sharing special moments on social media. That’s not a problem in itself but it becomes one when we are unable to appreciate a thing UNLESS it’s shared!
Evenings filled with Facebook when I should be writing was one of my main reasons for deleting it.
It’s been almost three weeks and I’ve had no urges to go back although I expected I would.
Posted by camparigirl on October 9, 2015 at 00:58
I understand the usefulness of FB for keeping people connected but I couldn’t care less about other people’s vacation/baby/food pictures. Nor am I interested in the re-posting of all manners of idiocy people encounter and don’t ever bother to read with a critical eye. Good call Laura.
Posted by Geoffrey on October 9, 2015 at 13:15
Well it worked! I found your blog, so I could share this radio program that I tried to share with you on FB: http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b06fpbxf
I’ll keep in touch another way.
Posted by sunnydaysinseattle on January 16, 2017 at 17:42
Well said.I think I may even give it a try myself. What you said about time-wasting I do wholeheartedly concur. Thanks!