Diary of a desperate student

Now, I’m quite a strong willed person. I can put my mind to most things and can be strict with myself when necessary. The fact that I get up at 4.30am when I don’t need to attests to this fact. The following is a diary of what a law degree can do to a person in just one day.

07:40 – Woke up. Felt ok. Did twenty minutes of yoga and got ready for my day.

08:05 – Went to the deli in my pyjamas to collect some ripe bananas to make banana bread with. Decide to do it tomorrow. Today I will be focussed and will become the master of Land Law!

08:20 – Had some breakfast. Arranged my notes into a neat pile. Read over the notes I made yesterday.

09:00 – Did the dishes.

09:30 – Put the dishes away.

10:00 – Read over my notes again.

10:45 – Sat down with a question from last year’s exam paper about mortgages. Set myself an hour and got writing. Started out well. Felt good.

11:15 – Got disheartened when I didn’t really know how to move forward with the question. Got up to make a cup of tea. Checked Facebook. Ate a few Ryvita whilst in the kitchen.

11.30 – More Ryvita. More despair.

11.50 – Straightened my hair.

12:00 – More Ryvita.

12:20 – Finally finished all I could on the question on mortgages. The last bit had confused me so I didn’t attempt it. I thought I’d listen to the online lecture to see how to do it. Listened to the whole thing, only needing the end. Four minutes from the end, while finally addressing the bit I needed help on, it stopped, for no discernible reason. I became depressed and went to make tea. I found some hazelnuts and almonds whilst there and ate them all.

12:40 – Started a practise question on freehold covenants and felt overwhelmed just ten minutes in. Found the online lecture instead and figured I’d take extensive notes and try again later. I find the lecture and immediately tune out and start looking for things to buy on Amazon. Ate some dried figs and pecans from the kitchen.

13:00 – WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME! I HAVE EXAMS IN THREE DAYS! CONCENTRATE, LAURA!

13:01 – My concentration is broken by a large fly. I chase it around for ten minutes and eventually kill it with a study book. Also ate a yoghurt.

13:20 – I debate whether to get dressed.

13:21 – I decide against it. I eat a muffin instead.

13:30 – Finished the Ryvita. Found some walnuts and finished them too.

14:10 – Took up coffee drinking, which has never happened in my entire life.

14:25 – Made eggs and bacon and more coffee.

14:50 – Drew fake tattoos on my hands and legs for fun. Mostly pictures of catterponies galloping through forests. Ate some sunflower seeds and a muffin.

15:03 – Laughed because the lecturer said ‘argubably’ by mistake.

15:10 – Tuned in briefly to the online lecture which was running and heard him say something about ‘Prunella’s cows’ and realised, with amazement, that I hadn’t a clue what he was talking about.

15:30 – Something clicks, I sit down with some cases to read and a highlighter and suddenly my concentration arrives out of the blue and, with the help of two cups of coffee and nine cups of tea, stays with me for a few hours.

16:50 – My hand/eye co-ordination fails me as there isn’t room for it to continue operating whilst my brain is attempting to remember everything. I spill tea down my front and all over my leg and textbook.

17:25 – Still reading and highlighting. Have now eaten all the goji berries and pumpkin seeds.

18:00 – It was around this time that I lost the ability to spell or write legibly.

20:45 – Finally finished reading cases and had a barbecue to celebrate…

21:00 – Enjoyment guilt set in and I picked up my case book and kept reading til 22:45.

Vital stats from my day.

Amount of hot drinks I consumed = 21.

Amount of water I drank = approx. 2.5 litres.

Amount of ingredients I have left to put in cakes = 0

Amount of food left in the fridge = a few strawberries, blueberries and a jar of marmalade.

Amount of weight I estimate I put on = half a stone, easily.

Amount of times I checked Facebook = approx. 4000

Amount of times I checked my emails = approx 200

Percentage of time I spent despairing = 50%

Percentage of time I spent feeling ready for exams = 50%

POINTS TO NOTE –

1. I did not change out of my pyjamas all day.

2. I caught sight of myself in the mirror before I went to bed and I looked pretty rough.

3. I created 41 possible alternative careers for myself during this revision day.

The return of the caterpony

In Z is for… I played around with some animal combinations and the most popular seemed to be the caterpony. (Should I put another ‘t’ in there so it is clear how it should be pronounced? Catterpony?)

So I thought I’d revive the caterpony today and see what I can get from it. Ok, here goes.

 

The beautiful little caterpony was the loveliest creature in the whole forest. He was kind hearted and everybody loved him.

He was sometimes unhappy, though, as he had such short legs that he couldn’t keep up with the other animals. When they played football, he couldn’t run very fast so often he was not passed the ball even once! He also wasn’t tall enough to reach the tree branches to talk to his friends who lived up there. He felt very left out and small and slow.

He shuffled around, thinking about his dilemma. It made him very tired to think about it for a long time so he decided to have a little sleep. He felt a bit cold so he gathered dry grass and leaves and built a small comfortable room, just big enough for him to fit in.

Then he got in and had a little rest. Days later, after his friends had been looking and looking for him, extremely worried, he emerged.

But he felt different. The ground didn’t feel so close. He had an urge to leap very high into the air.

And that’s when he looked down and realised what had happened.

He had turned into a beautiful butterhorse! He went to show his friends and they all wanted him on their side for football. He could run faster than anyone else in the forest with his lovely long legs. He could also see right into the trees and talk to his friends. And sometimes, when he wanted to see his friends who lived further away, near the sea, he could fly there and stay for tea.

THE END.

Z is for…

ZONKEY!

Some of you might have already heard about these. They are a cross between a zebra and a donkey. Rather unimaginatively, the names have been clumsily mashed together and you end up with something that essentially looks just like a donkey with stripey legs. I think it’s a pretty poor attempt at animal-mashing-together, to be honest, so I’ve given it a go myself. Check out the results!

First up! It’s the caterpony!

It has millions of tiny legs, which slow it down a little to be honest. The caterpony does not worry about this though. He eats leaves and grass in the same small space and waits for the day when it can weave a huge cocoon and wake up as a beautiful butterhorse, when its legs become much longer and it has lovely colourful wings.

Next in line is the girelephant!

It has a large elephant head on its long giraffe neck, which gives it a bit of a neck ache. It will sometimes be found resting its huge heavy head on strong high tree branches. Its long trunk helps it to reach the water from so high up but the girelephant must remember not to lean too far forward when getting water, as the weight of its head can topple it over, causing it to splash about helplessly, until a flying butterhorse spots it and pulls it out.

Last up in the Zoo of Laura’s Mind, the reinguin!

The head of a reindeer and the body of a penguin, this Arctic creature can fly in the air and go under water! When Santa gets nervous because there is a storm that may overturn the sleigh, the reinguin, just dips under the water for a while until he has passed the storm and emerges into the air to continue the journey round all the children’s houses.

When the reinguin is hunting, it can store its catches on its antlers and later, when he gets home, unhook all his fish and have plenty to eat.

 

So how did I do? Are my animals as believable as zonkeys? Can we get someone to work on creating them? I’m not scientifically minded so I’ll just provide the ideas. Any scientists want to jump on this?

 

P.S. 25 days til first exam… and counting…