Tinned spaghetti and chubby Dachshunds

Today, I’m just going to do a quick round up of this week’s Chat magazine. Yesterday contained the best stuff. Today’s is really the stuff I feel I can’t let you go on without knowing.

This stuff is important for your life.

First up, the dog that was so fat it looked like a big pillow. Look.

The caption next to the second photo says, wittily, “Does my bum look big in this?” And yes, big fat dog. The answer is yes. Your bum does look big in that.

The vet lady who took it in and vowed to then it’s life around describes how she put him on a diet and eventually he lost some weight and then, like a human, he had to have an operation to cut off his hangy skin after losing all the weight.

Ridiculous.

Next, the couple who wears the same clothes and have some for 35 years. I’m pretty sure most people know about them as they’ve been in lots of magazines and newspapers but this picture is something new that I’ve not seen before. Them in matching jarmies. Check it out!

Looking good….

And last but not least, I couldn’t have put away this week’s Chat without telling you all about the latest value for money in the world of food. Each week, Chat do a column which reviews one item of food from all different shops or brands and grades them out of 10. Well, this week, there’s one which I know you’ll all be itching to hear the results for….

Yup. Tinned spaghetti. Can we get a shout out for TINNED SPAGHETTI, my friends?! Woooooop! Who loves tinned spaghetti? Waaaaaah! ME! Me!

And in case you’re wondering, Tesco won this one. Their 28p tinned spaghetti was described as a ‘teatime treat.’ If I served up tinned spaghetti in my house and told everyone it was a ‘treat’, I think I’d have a mutiny on my hands.

A teatime treat?! Spare me this madness.

My staple diet

We’re going back to my university days again for this one. My flatmates and I were having a bit of a party. I think it was someone’s birthday. It was one of those nights were huge sections of it don’t make sense.

For example, at one point, we were all in the kitchen, listening to music while standing on the chairs and waving teatowels around furiously. Yes. Teatowels. Given that our kitchen window was easily within sight of the campus bar, it’s quite likely that the people in the bar were wondering, in amazement, why the girls in B block were being so crazy.

At one point, one of my flatmates drunkenly said to the other (who was sober), “You’re so drunk!” … She was not drunk.

There had been balloons at this party so after a vigorous session of teatowel waving, it was time to pop the balloons with a knife. Obviously. A shaky video taken on a phone still exists somewhere of me tearing around the kitchen, knocking stuff over, climbing on chairs and tables, chasing these balloons around. Everyone had cleared out of the kitchen, as I was armed and dangerous. One of them hates balloons being popped because it releases the “old stale breath” inside. On the video, there is a little voice in the background going “All the breath! All the breath.”

The finale of the video is me chasing down the last balloon and throwing it gently in the air, with my knife poised underneath it and at the moment the balloon touches the knife and bursts, I let out a short but loud, “WAH!” then smile smugly, although I have defeated a baddie and saved mankind.

So you get the picture, it’s all a bit excitable and silly. Into this mix, we put some hunger. We are hungry and we need to eat NOW, at 1am. What to have? Obviously cheese toasties. There was a toastie machine so we got everything set up, closed the lid and waited impatiently for the green light to click on.

When it eventually did, we were ravenous. So Sophie unclips the clip thing, opens the machine and toasted onto the top of one of the toasties…. was a staple! I still to this day have no idea how that could have happened. As silly drunks, we laughed uncontrollably for maybe twenty minutes. That kind of laughter were you can’t even see straight and your tummy muscles ache and you get breathless. And then Sophie, in her infinite wit, said, “It’s our staple diet!”

Well, we were off again. Up until that point in my life, I think that might have been the funniest thing I had ever heard. Actually, maybe it still is…. Staple diet…. Hilarious.