Posts Tagged ‘DVD’

Tissue paper and jumper shavers

Now, readers, you know I never leave you with just one look into your favourite magazine. Yesterday’s laughing dormouse was just the beginning. It’s time today to visit everyone’s favourite section. It’s the ‘Blimey! That’s clever!’ section.

Check out some of these top tips. And boy, are they ‘top’!?

Firstly, put pegs on the greaseproof paper in your cake tin so it doesn’t rip when you pour the batter in.

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What on earth is her greaseproof paper made of?! Tissue?! Who’s greaseproof paper rips when simply pour the cake mix in? Mine certainly doesn’t. It’s quite sturdy. It’s made to take the heat from an oven and then the weight of the cake as I lift it out afterwards. It wouldn’t rip just from putting the batter in.

Next up, shave your jumper if it’s got fluff on it.

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Or just use cellotape? Quicker. And then you can throw it away.

No, wait, maybe it would be better to shave my jumper. Because it would be great next time I’m shaving my legs or Danda’s shaving his face, to have the added fun of fluff left behind on one’s leg/face. I mean, what fun! Right?

And last but not least, the fabulous too-much-time-on-your-hands, make-extra-work-for-yourself method of DVD storage.

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So, let me get this straight – instead of just going to the DVD collection and looking for the one you want, instead you go to your list and find the name of the DVD you want and what raffle ticket number it is. Then you go to your DVD collection and look for the raffle ticket number.

If you love order and filing, maybe I could just suggest something to cut the workload down? Put them in alphabet order. Simple. That way, you just think of what the name of the DVD is, say it’s Conair, then you just look to the beginning of the collection and what do you know?! You’ll see DVDs beginning with C and there it will be.

My goodness, I’m a genius!

The most annoying woman ever?

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Ok, I’ve got an exercise DVD in my cupboard somewhere which is gathering dust because I refuse to watch it. I’ll tell you why.

Where to start? Firstly, its Kettlebell workout which, when you start to watch it, turns out there’s not a kettlebell in sight. She uses a dumb-bell, which isn’t used the same way at all. She keeps telling me to hold it by the base or the handle and it’s always wrong. So already I’m swallowing down extreme annoyance just to have it on.

The main reason though, is because this woman never stops talking! And I mean, never. It’s constant. Just a flow of nonsense words. Here is a sample minute from the workout:

“Ok, we’re going to do some renegade squats now! We’re renegades! Moving side to side. They’re not static squats. We don’t stay still. We’re renegades. They’re renegade squats! Like we’re in the army! We’re on the move! Renegade squats! Ok, four more of these. They’re really good for your thighs. Renegade squats! Working our gluts! Hold that weight! Squat! Ok, put your weight down. Great. We’re just going to do some lunges. Over to your left. Put your back foot back (yes, she says that, what on earth is a ‘back foot’?). Reach, reach, reach, feel the stretch. Ok, get your weight again. I want you to hold it by the handle in your left hand. And curl, curl, curl. In kettlebell training this is called a clean. So clean! Clean! Clean! Great. That’s great. You’re doing great. Ok, and squats. Static squats this time. We’re not renegades. Amazing. You’re doing a fantastic job. And legs together and twist from side to side. We’re twisting from our hips here. Holding our weight. Working the waist. Yeh, working out that waist. Can you feel it? On the waist. We’ll have nice toned waists. Your body shapes the way you move it. If you move it in a long lean way, it’ll shape that way. Ok, let your biceps take over with this one. They’ll guide the movement. That’s the thing about kettlebell, your body moves in a co-ordinated way…..”

On… and on…. and on….

And that’s just one small section. Often I can tell what I need to do from watching her so she doesn’t need all this talking. It’s beyond irritating. I once stopped the video so I could sit down and write a bad review of it on Amazon. It’s ridiculous.

I thought about whether to get it out this morning and have a little workout and then I remembered. I remembered how my equilibrium is always unbalanced after watching it because it annoys me so much. Maybe I should try watching it muted and putting my own music on?? Ah! I may have hit upon something here.