A book and free time

I was away on holiday recently. It was nice. There was sun (sometimes), a swimming pool, a lovely group of people and some children to liven the mood, lots of water parks, beaches, shops, restaurants. All the stuff that you do for fun on holiday.

Except that I didn’t really need any of those things. I just need a good book and to not have anything to do. I’m quite self conscious about my type of fun, as it’s a bit antisocial and doesn’t involve screaming and laughing and splashing around in cold water, playing water polo or something. It doesn’t make me look like much fun.

While the others ran toward the oncoming waves and squealed and ran back when the freezing water hit them, and laughed together, I sat on a towel with a copy of F. Scott Fitzgerald’s short stories and had the time of my life. I don’t hate running in and out of the water, it’s quite good fun sometimes. I also like sitting in a cafe with an espresso (at no other time in my life do I drink espressos, in fact I really dislike the taste of coffee. I think I do it in cafes when I’m in public to feel grown up). I like taking a lovely walk down the twisty roads, seeing the trees and rosemary bushes and wildlife. All these things I like doing. But if I’m totally, truly honest with myself, I don’t actually need any of those things. I just need a good book and a place to sit and to have nothing on my mind (hence, I did zero studying on holiday…).

So they ran in and out of the water, shivered, laughed, played together. I took photos from my vantage point on the towel and read the Pat Hobby stories. It’s not that I don’t like people, but I spend the whole year being force-fed big fat textbooks and cases and statutes and no time for choosing something nice to read. So when I’m away from the textbooks, that’s what I most want to do.

Until recently, I would just wait and read later and spend more time doing group things, things that are fun together. But I read a book about being honest with yourself about the things you find fun and that’s what I find fun.

I’m not about to forgo hot air balloon rides over the desert or mountain trekking in exotic places, in the name of reading books, because that’s ‘my’ type of fun! I’d like to think I still do exciting things, but in a more everyday way, I’d just like a book and free time please.

P.S. 15 days till first exam. Today’s revision topic is Constitution in Equity and Trusts Law.

“I’m alright”

I have a friend who doesn’t understand why I say this when I do. Actually, neither can I. But I say ‘I’m alright’ as a reply to questions quite often. Examples are:

Friend: “Laura, would like a cup of tea?”
Me: “I’m alright.”

Friend: “This programme is a bit boring. Would you like to watch something else on TV?”
Laura: “I’m alright. I’m studying anyway.”

Friend: “Would you like to stay for dinner?”
Me: “I’m alright, thanks. I’d better get home and study.”

I’m alright?! How is that synonymous with ‘yes’ or ‘no’? I use it to mean ‘no’ but why? Why is telling someone what your mood is like the same as saying ‘no, thank you’? The friend who gets annoyed always replies with, “Yes, I know you’re alright. But would you like a cup of tea?” He says that unless I’m really crying or have mentioned that I’m not feeling good for any reason, he can presume that I’m alright. But that’s not the conversation he was having. He’s asking me if I want something.

But I can’t help it. It just comes out when I’m answering a question. ‘I’m alright,’ I say, as if it’s an answer. I guess it means, ‘I’m alright without it.’ That’s still not satisfactory because lots of things I’m ‘alright’ without but I still want them. I’m ‘alright’ without the cup of tea, no big disaster is going to happen, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want one. So no, it doesn’t really make a lot of sense, no.

I definitely used to say ‘I’m good’ to mean the same thing. I remember being on a driving lesson and saying it. Driving instructor said something about lessons next week, was I going to book an extra one, or something, and I said, ‘I’m good’ to mean no.

It’s like there are two different conversations going on. One person is saying, ‘I’m asking you if you want something,’ and you’re saying, ‘Let me tell you about my behaviour/mood.’ It’s quite rude really, just interrupting their conversation and starting a different one. Imagine if that’s how all conversations went:

“Hi, how are you?” “I love cricket.”

“Do you want to meet up for a coffee?” “Did you know my middle name is Louise?”

“I’ll call you later.” “I must remember to pick up the dry cleaning.”

We wouldn’t get very far in our interactions, would we? We’d all just be going on about random things whilst in the company of other people.

I must try using ‘yes’ and ‘no’ more often, I guess.

P.S. 16 days til first exam. Today’s study topic is Formalities in Equity and Trusts Law.