Posts Tagged ‘jealous’

Things to remember when swimming

I have had a long think. A think about my anger. I have decided that, rather than work out where it came from, it will conclude that I was having An Off Day and move on. The following are my new things to remember whilst swimming.

– I am here to have a nice time.

– Most other people don’t think about things in such detail.

– Just keep going up and down, don’t take any notice of other people.

– If people get in my way, just move around them and keep going. It’s not a big deal. Don’t flip out.

– If it seems like people are intent on ruining my swimming session by annoying me, just remember, it’s only because they’re jealous.

– If someone hits me by accident while swimming, don’t hit back! It’s just an accident. Two wrongs don’t make a right.

– Holding people’s head under the water to ‘teach them a lesson’ is NOT an appropriate reaction to a minor irritation.

– Sighing loudly and shaking my head to let people know I’m annoyed doesn’t actually work in a swimming pool. Most people’s faces and ears are under the water.

– All the other swimmers have not formed an allegiance with the intention of annoying me. It just seems like it.

– When I win the World Championship At Swimming and they give me a massive trophy, as big as my house, then all this will mean nothing anymore. I’ll go back to that swimming pool and show them all my trophy, then they’ll know. That’ll show them…. Focus on the long term.

– If all else fails, take a couple of small piranha along and smuggle them into the pool.

Q is for….

image

Q&A!

…And other things we shorten, occasionally to the point of hilarity.

PSB (already mentioned in a previous blog) – purple sprouting broccoli

BNS – butternut squash

BFPFV (a law one) – bona fide purchaser for value

Obbo – short for ‘obviously’

Totes – totally

Hilare – hilarious (like it’s a great time saver to say most of the word but not all of it)

Jel – I know this has gained some popularity lately, which I believe is down to The Only Way Is Essex, but saying the ‘us’ on the end of ‘jel’ takes a millisecond. Just finish the word.

FML – a newcomer in the world of acronyms. It means ‘fuck my life’ and is generally used by people to indicate something of great seriousness, breaking a nail, say, or having to run for the bus.

Natch – meaning naturally. Makes me think ‘oes’ is going to follow it.

Reg – I have spoken at length about the occasion I heard this said. It means ‘regular’ and is referring to the desired size of takeaway coffee.

Lar – meaning ‘large’ for a takeaway coffee… O no wait… That’s just me, making fun of the man who asked for ‘reg’….

Cap – meaning cappuccino

OJ – orange juice. Why it has never ventured into other flavours is a mystery to me. My favourite juice is apple so I feel I’d save a lot of time if AJ became the common way of referring to it.

LOL – just a quick heads up to those who add it on the end of every text because they think it means ‘loads of love’. It doesn’t.