Yesterday, I set out my intentions for how I would rule the country if I were to become the queen. I imagine some of you were thinking, “Well this is silly because you will never become the queen.” I’d like you to stop right there, all you doubters, for I have a plan for that too. I thought it up when I was eight so it must be good. Here it is.
1. I would be orphaned. Sad as that is, it utilises a greater purpose for the world so I would be quietly sad for the rest of my life but valiant and brave. The public would comment on it in admiration.
2. I would be living on the streets outside Buckingham Palace, eating mud and wearing raggedy clothes. I was kind of channeling my inner Little Princess here.
3. The queen would pass by in her chariot (yep, a chariot) and see me and go, “O, look at that poor little beggar girl. Let’s give her a job or something.” Cause the queen loves a bit of child labour.
4. I would have a job as a maid, cleaning around the palace. One day, I would be changing the wood in her fireplace in her bedroom and she would come in and start chatting to me.
5. She would be very impressed by me and start inviting me to dinner and to play in the garden with her and her dogs.
6. She would adopt me. Cause that’s logical.
7. She would die.
8. I would become queen.
Wasn’t I a clever child, to come up with this totally faultless plan? I feel some points may be harder to achieve than others, given I am now 28, rather than eight. But I’ll figure it out, no problem.
lazylauramaisey 