The Laura, the Danda and the panettone (part 2)

As the Wicked Witch of Banarnia Bread land sped into the distance, Danda turned to Laura, shrugged and said, “Well, that was a bit wierd. Shall we go back through that door into Pembroke Lodge and get some tea?”

“No, Danda,” said Laura. “We must rescue these panettones from this awful spell, for it to be always panettone but never cake o’ clock.”

“Well, what flavour are they? I’m not bothering unless there’s an amaretti one.”

“Yes, look. Here’s one. But we won’t be able to eat it unless we beat the Wicked Witch.”

Then, from among the panettones, a small rabbit appeared, nose twitching.

Mmm, dinner, they both thought. I wonder if I could find some duck fat to confit it in, thought Laura.

“Follow me,” it said, leading them to a small clearing in the panettones. “The Wicked Witch will soon be beaten. They say Maplin’s is on the move.”

They both felt wonderfully excited, frightened and yet happy. They knew something brilliant was about to happen.

“Maplin’s?” Danda asked. “The electrical goods store?”

“Yes,” said the rabbit, gravely. “There’s mass reductions and sales in all their stores. They’re relocating to Teddington.”

“Teddington?!” exclaimed Danda. “That’s great. They’ll be just down the road. O, that’s amazing news.”

All three of them stood for a while, considering this news.

“Anyway,” said Laura. “How are we to beat the wicked witch?”

“O, that? I haven’t the foggiest idea,” said the rabbit. “You?”

They all looked at each other, puzzled.

“How about we just give her a punch up the throat when she next skips by? We’ll know it’s her from the stupid bells she wears on her wrist.”

The plan decided, they waited behind a large stack of panettones. Next time she skipped by, the rabbit stuck out a foot, tripping her up. They tied her down with some of the packaging ribbons from off the panettones and tickled her till she was hoarse from laughing, had wet herself and the laughter had turned into whimpering tears. She lifted the spell and told them where the nearest tea shop was. As a parting gesture, they gave her a punch up the throat and threw her bells in the bin.

They proceeded to the tea shop for cucumber sandwiches, mini Bakewell tarts and cups of refreshing builders tea.

They took home a panettone and spent the next few days eating it. They soon discovered that it was a never ending panettone and lived off it for the next ten years, until they both had severe problems with obesity and thought it might be time to stop.

The End

The Laura, the Danda and the panettone

Once there were two people whose names were Laura and Danda. This story is about something that happened to them when they went away from London to Richmond Park during the afternoon because of the fabulous tea that was served daily at Pembroke Lodge.

They parked up and went for a little walk around the lodge, trying to be clever by entering from a little door that not many people knew about. It brought them to a room near the customer toilets. It was quite dusty and there was lots of furniture covered with cloths. They realised they had come in the wrong side door and, looking back towards it, saw a ‘Keep Out’ sign.

Worried, they made for the door but heard the sound of kitchen staff carrying plates, approaching the door. They panicked and looked around. There was another exit on the other side of the room.

“Quick!” said Laura.

“Just a minute,” said Danda, who was drawing a massive picture of a willy in the dust on a cupboard door. “Ok, where should we hide? In this big wardrobe?”

“No, just come through this door, Danda.”

They hurried over, opened the door… And were greeted by the sight of hundreds of panettones. Hundreds. As far as the eye could see. All flavours. Chocolate. Amaretti. Traditional.

Unwilling to share this hoard, they closed the door behind them and looked at each other in wonder.

“If only there were a cup of tea to be had,” Danda wondered aloud.

There was a jingling of bells and a tall woman approached, skipping. She had a bracelet of bells around her wrist.

“Hello strangers. And welcome to the land of Banarnia Bread. Here you shall have all the panettones you desire. But you shall never be able to eat them!” And she cackled with evil laughter and sped off.

Someone’s got to stop her, thought Laura and Danda.

Tune in tomorrow to see if Laura and Danda can beat the baddie and have their cup of tea and panettone.

A review of Christmas

It’s been pretty nice really. Christmas morning was present opening time and I got, among other things, Michel Roux Sr’s latest cookbook, The Collection. It is one of the most beautiful cookbooks I have ever seen.

The other life-changing present I got was a hairdryer! These things re amazing! I can go from wet hair to dry hair in a matter of minutes! I had heard good things about hairdryers and I think, once upon a time, I have owned one. But now I have one again and it is very exciting.

Christmas lunch was eaten here…

…and was great because we just sat around blowing up balloons….

…while the staff brought us our dinner. It was lovely and fuss free.

There was mass present opening with Yaya and the other children for a while and then we all went to a sofa filled room on the grounds of the hotel with a big TV showing Christmas films and sat around feeling full. It was lovely.

Breakfast the next morning consisted of my favourite 5 year old putting on her best make-up artist face and rubbing bubble bath into everyone’s necks and faces, telling us it was perfume.

After we had all left and gone back home, Danda and I found an amaretti panettone in the kitchen and spent approximately twelve hours sitting on the sofa eating it, drinking cups of tea, reading books and watching TV. We didn’t even have lunch or dinner. We just picked at this panettone until we had finished it….!

All in all, a fabulous few days. How was yours?