Posts Tagged ‘plan’

World Takeover Countdown

The world takeover will begin in less than a week. It is occupying most of my brain space, especially the space that would usually be reserved for blogging. So instead I am going to list the things that still need doing.

1. Arrival of second set of business cards and get fancy business card holder.

2. Website bits and peices tweaked and mobile version of website sorted.

3. First month of social media plan finalised.

4. Design for launch invitations.

5. Make sure one invite super fancy and edged in gold leaf (that one is for the queen).

6. Make sure I have queen’s address in phone book.

7. Work out good people to associate with on social media (@thequeen and @michelroux obviously, but who after that?)

8. Tell all friends that I will no longer be associating with them as they ‘are not famous enough for me’.

9. Buy shares in William Curley’s chocolatiers.

10. Refuse to have elevenses from anywhere else.
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The Queen plan

Yesterday, I set out my intentions for how I would rule the country if I were to become the queen. I imagine some of you were thinking, “Well this is silly because you will never become the queen.” I’d like you to stop right there, all you doubters, for I have a plan for that too. I thought it up when I was eight so it must be good. Here it is.

1. I would be orphaned. Sad as that is, it utilises a greater purpose for the world so I would be quietly sad for the rest of my life but valiant and brave. The public would comment on it in admiration.

2. I would be living on the streets outside Buckingham Palace, eating mud and wearing raggedy clothes. I was kind of channeling my inner Little Princess here.

3. The queen would pass by in her chariot (yep, a chariot) and see me and go, “O, look at that poor little beggar girl. Let’s give her a job or something.” Cause the queen loves a bit of child labour.

4. I would have a job as a maid, cleaning around the palace. One day, I would be changing the wood in her fireplace in her bedroom and she would come in and start chatting to me.

5. She would be very impressed by me and start inviting me to dinner and to play in the garden with her and her dogs.

6. She would adopt me. Cause that’s logical.

7. She would die.

8. I would become queen.

Wasn’t I a clever child, to come up with this totally faultless plan? I feel some points may be harder to achieve than others, given I am now 28, rather than eight. But I’ll figure it out, no problem.

Thoughts

I’m having one of those I-can’t-think-what-to-write-about days. Well, actually, I should qualify that statement. I’m having a bit of a lazy morning where I’ve spent an hour or two reading other blogs and listening to an audiobook so now my brain is in too many different places to think of something to write about. So I shall just list the thoughts that are in my mind right now.

– Will I ever become a world famous piano player? Or will I forever be stuck on the line, “And you come to me on a summer breeze” from How Deep Is Your Love? And are ten fingers enough to play this piece of music? At the moment, I need about twelve to be able to play it properly.

– Chocolate and cherry mousse cake is fabulous. And making a genoise sponge for the first time went ok. As did making custard from scratch…

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– Beouf bourginon is not actually that difficult to make. It is also extremely tasty, despite its easiness…

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– Planning an African adventure is muchos fun, even if it isn’t going to happen for over a year…

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– I can’t cope with X Factor winner James Arthur’s ‘my-parents-divorced-when-I-was-a-kid-and-now-I’m-traumatised-for-life’ routine. I just want to shake him and say, “Get over yourself! Grow up! I know your parents are divorced but SO ARE EVERYONE ELSE’S!” He writes songs about it which are really ‘deep’ apparently. So his Mum says. “Yeah,” she goes, serious face on and eyes looking down to the ground. “It’s really… It’s really… (she searches for the appropriate word, having used deep about four times already)… It’s really… deep.” Thanks for that, o mother of great eloquence and feeling. It’s good to know that, as a man in his 20s, the single most important that has happened in his life is still the separation of his parents when he was in primary school. Sometimes, Mr Arthur, people are better apart. Get over it.

– My rooibos tea has gone cold.

– There is a cat digging in the garden. I didn’t know cats dug.

– I am really intrigued about what happened with Oscar Pistorius and his girlfriend. I genuinely really like him. I just finished reading his autobiography, Blade Runner, a few weeks ago and it was really good. He seems like a down-to-earth, decent type. And a brilliant athlete. His arrest for murder seems totally at odds with the man I imagined him to be. Of course, a book written by him will obviously give the impression that he portrays, not necessarily who he actually is. And by the same token, a charge for murder is not a conclusion of guilt. There’s this space in between the law and the media and the person’s own voice, where they reside, and I don’t suppose I can know who he is or what has happened. I guess we will see what the outcome is.

– Today I am going for lunch with a friend I haven’t seen in way too long. I am excited.

The Plan

Ssshhh! Don’t say a word. I’m too excited to not tell you all but you mustn’t tell, ok?

I am going to work now. Until 9.30am, when I will call Danda and ask him if he wants to come for breakfast at the deli. Fingers crossed, Danda will say yes.

When he gets there, we will sit down for breakfast and I will say, ‘Oo! Something came from Amazon for you.’

He will say, ‘Really? But I didn’t order anything.’

I will say, ‘Well, here it is. I guess just open it and see what it is.’

I will get him a box which I received something from Amazon in the other day. I am very sneaky. I have taken out the book that I was sent but kept the packaging neat. I have then put a different book in there then glued it all back together so it looks like it hasn’t been opened.

So he will open it. Inside is a book with a gold cover which says ‘ROME’ in big letters across the front.

He will be confused.

‘I didn’t order this,’ he will say.

‘Are you sure,’ I will say. ‘Check inside the front cover, there should be an invoice somewhere, it will tell you who’s sent it to you. Maybe someone sent it as a present or something?’

He will flip open the front cover and inside is a message from me, which says, ‘Flight at 5pm. Pack your bags!’

He will be shocked and surprised and excited…. Hopefully. There will then be a flurry of bag packing and disbelief.

And then off we will go to Rome for four days!

Fingers crossed that:

a) all goes to plan
b) my phone works in Rome
c) my battery can cope with the photograph-taking overload

And remember, no telling!

I’ll let you know tomorrow if it went smoothly.