Dipping into Chat

The Chat book I mentioned in my last post is still blowing my mind. I don’t know how to start telling you about it because the epicness comes from all directions. I thought I’d do an overall view of things by giving you a few snippets. Sit back and get ready for the amazingness.

“It turned out, Ronnie had seen a ghost once too. He was so perfect for me. I knew Nan had found him for me.” (Her Nan’s dead, by the way.)

“‘You don’t stab someone twice by accident,’ I fumed.” (I don’t know, I think it’s up for debate.)

“‘I couldn’t help myself. You weren’t here and I just had to have sex. I’m so sorry.’ He begged me to forgive him. ‘It was just once, two years ago. I want you, Suzy.’ ‘Marry me, then,’ I said.” (This is totally what I would also say if someone had just cheated on me. Totally.)

“After a year if emailing, I felt I’d learned a lot about Voodoo and convinced Mambo Racine that I was serious about joining the religion…. After I’d learned all those secrets, I had to plunge my hands into three vats of boiling oil.” (Fairly standard religion-joining behaviour, wouldn’t you say?)

“How was I supposed to tell a 7 year old I was sleeping with the housekeeper?! I needed help running our home and the moment I laid eyes on Julie, she gave me the raging horn!” (That’s a phrase we now use, apparently. The Raging Horn. Ah, Chat… a pillar of eloquence and intellect.)

“How I could have picked two such dysfunctional men to marry, I do not know.” (I often wonder the same thing… o wait… no, I don’t.)

As you can see, there is plenty more amazingness to come from Chat. You haven’t seen the last of this book yet!

Disappointing

So far, this holiday has been quite disappointing.

Yes, dinner was lovely, but where was the burglary from the till at gun point?

Yes, the garden is huge and very impressive but where was the old war hero, hiding out in the disused chicken coop because he’d been rejected by society?

Yes, there’s a lamppost at the end of the garden path which is EXACTLY like the one in the forest in Narnia and I got really excited, but where’s the old wardrobe that transports you there?

And yes, the weather was quite nice and sunny, but where was the exciting thunderstorm that we could all be a bit scared of?

And ok, the drive here was great fun and we all sung very loudly to silly pop songs from our childhoods but that is beside the point! Where was high speed car chase and the lorry crash?

Yes! I am in book heaven and there are more books than I can count in this lovely house, but where are the strange voodoo dolls and torture equipment?

There have been no crimes, no mysteries to solve, no forays into another world and no inexplicable natural phenomena.

So unfortunately, thus far, it’s just been loads of fun and really nice.