Ok, Chat time! Get ready for the madness that will ensue! There are the usual amount of serious-faced photos from people with real life stories assigned a 9.9 (!) on the shock factor scale….
It’s like the lady and the photographer were sitting around having a cup of tea and joking about the weather etc and then he went, “Ok, photo time! Think of war and famine and ebola! Aaaaaand, serious face! GO!”
Now have a look at this.
It’s a picture of her sister. Her much much younger sister, I’m hoping. Because otherwise the person sending in the photo is in her teens. Is Chat really suitable material for young readers?
Let me tell you why I think Chat is not suitable material for young readers. We only need to look at the typical front cover headlines; Bathtime With The Bogeyman, He’d Wait Til Mum Went To Work; Wiped Out! My Post-Poo Problem; Birthday Bomber’s Deadly Gift; The Doll Did It, Sooooo Creepy!
You see now, why I’m worried about young people reading Chat and sending in pictures of their bikini-clad pre-teen sisters? Who on earth is letting their young kids read Chat?!
Next up, here’s a pic of my gran shopping in Turkey.
Thank GOD she sent that photo in! I was worried that she might not have and what would life be if I didn’t know what K Senghore from Chester-le-Street’s gran was doing?!
Moving swiftly on….
…to this possibly INSANE peice of advice from Andrea Illingworth.
NO, ANDREA! NOT SORTED! IT’S ELECTRICAL EQUIPMENT! STOP TELLING PEOPLE TO PUT WATER INTO THINGS THAT ARE PLUGGED INTO LIVE SOCKETS AND WHIZZ IT UP!
There’s a reason why people don’t do this and there’s a reason why, as a 15 year old in food tech class, my friend and I got TOTALLY BOLLOCKED by the teacher for thinking we were smart by doing this very same thing. It’s because it is massively dangerous and could cause fatal injury.
Andrea Illingworth, you muppet.
And Chat team, you are even bigger muppets for printing this twaddle. Health & Safety people ought to have you arrested.
On a lighter note, you could hang some CDs outside your house if you want to look like some kind of poverty stricken hippy who wants to decorate but can’t afford a wind catcher.
Thanks, Pat. Life is better now.
Health pages next. Always something good there. Best letter = “I’ve had a lump growing on my clitoris for a couple of weeks. I daren’t see a doctor as I’m terrified she’ll tell me it’s cancer.”
So instead I’m writing to Chat magazine to ask if it’s cancer. Obviously.
Next a story, that I’m not sure we need to know, about a lady who loses all her energy after she’s been for a poo. Awful.
Baby pictures page next. Picures of babies doing absolutely nothing except being babies. You know I have a thing about the crazy names these poor kids get given. Let’s check them out.
Kailem (a girl)
Harley, Braydon, Esmae, Ruby, Livia, Aurora (one family, with parents called Becci and Luke. A case of making up for their own ordinariness by making their kids ‘edgy’?)
Not too much name-wackiness this week actually.
There is, though, this utterly bizarre double page spread about football, in which things like this are thought worthy of page space.
I think your brains are probably exploding from Chat nonsense now so I’ll leave it there. You probably couldn’t handle any more. I know I couldn’t!