The life I almost had – Part 3

Another career I pursued quite seriously when I was younger was as a presenter. I had my own TV programme. This one’s quite embarrassing so be supportive, please….

The show was called ‘Parents, Get Out’ and I presented it from my bed, the ceiling being the camera. I would start by saying, ‘ok kids, it’s time for the parents to get out!’ and the TV would have a sensor so it could detect any adults in the room. I wouldn’t start the show until I could see that all the parents had gone.

I’d then spend the next hour (actually I don’t know how long it really was but it felt like ages) talking about kid’s stuff. I don’t know what exactly I chatted about. The best part is that I did it all in a faux American accent, which I thought I was pretty good at.

I had ‘co-presenters’ too. Two guys called John and Nathan, I think. In the middle of an item I was presenting I’d stop and hold my hand to my ear and go “Ok John, that’s fascinating, great, yeh, I’ll hand over to you now. Kids, here’s John, he’s got a great story for us.” And then I’d lie there looking at the camera (ceiling) for a few minutes, in silence, while I imagined the other news story going on.

I don’t know how long the programme ran for but I remember doing it for a long time, enough to perfect my pretend accent. Maybe the TV company took us off air because we were too successful, we were stealing all the viewers. It was probably jealousy and a feeling of inferiority from others which got us shut down.

Well, maybe if I hit 40 and I’ve not achieved worldwide domination of the music charts or become a bestselling author, I know I’ve got that to fall back on. It’s always good to have a back up plan.